Well I can say that tonight I have been restless like hell. I can’t sleep as it’s 4:15 in the morning as I am writing this blog post. I have taken my sleeping medications that are prescribed to me and they aren’t helping me. I don’t know what is going on.

I do know that I have a lot on my mind and so much that it’s just racing through my mind. That’s one of the problems I think is why I can’t sleep. I just wish I was able to sleep.

I have a feeling that soon I will have to make a trip to Champaign, and get evaluated and possibly checked into the hospital to get my meds changed as I think that is another reason why I am restless. I haven’t really been able to sleep that well for the past week.

I haven’t been depressed but I’ve been in a different mood. I don’t know if it’s because I quit smoking or what. I just lay here in bed tired as fuck but can’t fall asleep. I wanna be able to have a nice nights sleep for once. I know when I’m in the hospital that I have better sleep and round the clock care so I know I am being taken care of the way I am supposed to be. The only thing is I don’t want my meds changed and that’s what they will probably do as they always do.

I’m not suicidal or anything like that. I just can’t sleep and have racing thoughts. I know that if I have myself admitted that I will have to let my best friend Dale know so that maybe while I’m in the hospital that he will come and visit me as the last time I was in the hospital I had no visitors all I had was phone calls and that didn’t seem like it was enough.

I wanna be able to be my normal self again and I just don’t feel like my normal self. I feel lost and can’t find my way of where I need to be. So here’s to the rest of the night of not sleeping and having racing thoughts to keep me busy and occupied while not sleeping.