Thoughts

People have many thoughts through out their day whether their busy or not. Here lately I have been having a lot of thoughts on what I should do with my life and what I can do to change my life. Some of my thoughts have been horrendous ones that a lot of people would condone of me having and say that I need help. Well you know what I don’t need help, as they are just thoughts. They aren’t actions. If they were actual actions, I would be the first to say that I need help and would seek it.

My thoughts that I have been having aren’t what everyone talks about at their normal dinner table. I have thought about suicide on several occasions and a lot here lately and on the many different ways that I could accomplish it, but have never went through with these.

Another thought I have been having is, why am I here. What do I bring to the table? Sometimes I just feel like I am being used and walked all over like I’m a door mat that just keeps getting trampled on until it’s time to throw out that rug and get a new one.

There are times that I just need to sit back and relax at home and have no interruptions and chill out. I need time to just reflect on my life and move on with it all. Days like these, the most thing I need is my bed, my comfy blanket and some good ole netflix and my music.

I couldn’t ask for a better family that knows and understands and supports me when I need days like these. I don’t know where I would be if it weren’t for them. So thanks, Pam, Grandma, Punky, Mom, & Nick. You don’t know what it’s like to be in the shoes that I am in and need days like these.