I’ve had roughly two weeks since this happened to think of why I wanted to commit suicide. The purpose that I attempted to commit suicide is simple. I felt like I had no body in life that cared or anything about me. It also had something to do with my brother outing me to my mother about my sexuality during an argument that was taking place at the time. I know now that I do have people in my life and people that do care about me dearly. I’ve had people calling me or texting me almost everyday to check on me and to make sure that I am ok. That feeling is undescribable to have. I have never had anyone in my life ask me how I was and how I was doing. To think about this attempt, it was the stupidest thing that I have ever done and wish I could take it back. I know that I hurt people in the process from doing this and am regretful. There are many things in my life that I wish I could take back but, this is the #1 thing that I wish I could take back and have never done.
I have been on some medication for a couple of weeks now since being in the hospital and I can say that I feel a lot better than I ever have. I don’t have the suicidal thoughts anymore since being on these medications, and I am actually able to sleep better now than I have in a long time. This was a huge wake up call for me, and realize that my life is worth living. There are so many things left in life for me to experience and see that I have never done and probably would never be doing if I had died from this.
There is one thing that I know will be amazing for my life and it will give me time to reflect on my life, and that is traveling to Tennessee this coming weekend and staying for a week in the mountains. There are a lot of hiking trails up in the mountains that I will be able to do, to just release and think about everything in my life and to learn about my mistakes in life and how to learn from them. This trip will have many opportunities besides visiting with my family. I hope that everyone has a safe and pleasant day.
During my trip in Tennessee, I will be blogging a lot more about my experiences, my life, family, and more.