My Mental Health

Mental health is something that I have to deal with on a daily basis and is something that is hard to deal with at times. I have attempted suicide 3 times in the past 6 months. People don’t understand the affects of mental health of the ideations of suicide as it helps with relieving the pain that someone (myself) is feeling. I was recently diagnosed with having Bipolar Type 1 disorder. I have tried to explain the feelings that I have to my family and friends so that they understand what I am going through and they do not understand nor comprehend any of it. One of the things, that I need, is to be able to talk and speak my what I am feeling and my opinions, and I am always told to shut up and that they don’t want to hear it, and then I have to clam up and that just causes more issues for me and causes me more stress in my mental health and where I live I have no resources where I can get the help where I can just talk and let everything out. Then when I am able to talk to someone, they end up betraying me and telling everyone what I had to say and then I question them about it and they end up giving me some lame excuse, like so and so cares about me too and wants to know whats going on with me. Well you know what, if I wanted them to know what was going on with them I would’ve went to them and told them but I didn’t. So I’ve learned to just keep it bottled up, even though it is not good on my own mental health, but what else am I supposed to do. I can’t just keep calling to the suicide prevention line just to talk to someone all the time when I need someone. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do anymore, but to just say goodbye to everyone as no one knows how to help me, except for the pysch hospital and I’m not just gonna admit myself all the time to get the help like that. I want the outpatient help but where I live I can’t get the outpatient help and the hospital is an hour away from me. So I have to figure out a way for me to handle this on my own without having to admit myself or talking to family & friends.

When I was on drugs, that took everything away and didn’t have to worry about anything I was sane and perfect and my mental health was good and didn’t have any suicide thoughts or ideations. There are so many things that I have to work on in my life and one of them is who I let in my life.