My current mood, I would have to say is displaced. I feel so un-connected to people anymore especially the ones that I love. Sometimes I feel like I’m just there to fill the empty space that needs to be filled, as how I feel right now. I would love to be able to feel like I used prior to 2012 but that will never return. I feel like people look at me differently since then even though I know a lot of people don’t look at me any different.
I also wish that I hadn’t came out of the closet ever as I feel completely different now and at times feel vulnerable. I was a lot more comfortable with my life when I was a closeted fag at times. But at other times, I am glad that I came out as I feel like I can be myself.
I just don’t know what to think about things anymore that involves me or my life or who to talk to anymore as there are times that I feel like I have no one I can talk too and the only way to express what I’m feeling or what I would like to say is by writing and letting the whole world know it.
There are a lot of times I just go home and lay in my bed and just cry. I feel like I have no one I can trust anymore or can talk to anymore about anything.
There are things in my past that I just wish never happened, and some of the things that I wish never happened I can’t go into details about because of the privacy of others that it includes. I don’t regret it but I just wish it never happened.
I just don’t know about anything anymore.