All posts filed under: Life

How I Feel Today!

Well I can say that the past couple of days I have not been feeling myself mentally. I don’t think that the medication that I am currently on is doing what it is supposed to be doing for me and it needs to be changed. I have been depressed more and manic more than usual. I haven’t been able to sleep or when I do its for only a couple of hours. I keep getting asked if I’m okay, and I just say that I am because it is so much easier to say that I am ok than having to try and explain to everyone how I am feeling. I wish I was a lot easier to explain on how I feel, but it’s not. So I have to wait for the doctors office in Champaign to call me to schedule an appointment so that I can see the doctor and get my medication managed the way that it needs to be done. I just wish I didn’t have to deal with this on …

Snitching Bitchez

Well I went to probation today for the first time since getting out of jail and I got to find out a lot of shit. One of the first questions was my probation officer asked was if I was managing my moms money still and if I knew why I wasn’t. And then he told me all the things that people told him. My mom (my own fucking mother) had the balls to tell my probation officer that she wasn’t sleeping because she was scared of me and afraid that i might do something to her. WTF!!! I am beyond pissed the fuck off and then she told him that I was stealing her meds (narcotics) from her which I wasn’t. I can’t believe my own mother would betray me like that and then when i try and ask her about it like a notmal conversation, she denies every fucking thing. Hell while I was in jail she even told my probation officer and everyone else that I wasn’t coming back home and that I …

Healthcare & Financial POA?

Apparently people don’t understand the meaning of a Healthcare & Financial Power of Attorney anymore! As I am legally the POA for healthcare and financial of my mother but yet I have nothing in my control or in my possession as i am legally able to have. Instead I have restrictions that people put on my moms medications at the pharmacy from which I am not allowed to pick up as well. There is only one successor agent listed on the Legal POA which is my elder brother Lawrence which is when I am unavailable to make any decisions and only he is able to make to the decisions and no one else. I have done some legal research and spoke to some attorney’s and the next course that I will have to take, is filing a legal document for a healthcare restraining order, as the POA is also legalized within the court system as well. I will be filing the appropriate legal documents necessary as soon as possible and have a stay put in …

Pulled one Over?

Well some people think that they pulled on over on me? Well I got news for them they didn’t get shit pulled over over me. They tried to change my cable plan and services that I received from the cable company and guess what I got the services back that I originally had and even had them removed from the account as an authorized person on the account that I never even authorized. Hell I even put a pin on the account so that this shit can’t happen again and no one can call in and make changes to the account or even talk to a representative about my account. I never thought that I would ever have to do anything so drastic like this, but I guess, I have to. So its time to call all of the companies I deal with and put passwords on the accounts so no one can make account changes on my services. Try pulling another one on me again and make excuses cuz it isn’t gonna work.

Birthday

Well I can say that today was my birthday and turned the amazing 28. Let’s recount today of what all happened! Oh wait nothing happened. Today was just another day and turned out to be a shitty birthday and to be exact the worst birthday I have ever had. I wasn’t able to hang out with any of my friends or even go out to the bar like I wanted to and have a few good drinks. Today was just another shitty day in the neighborhood as usual. So here’s to next years birthday and see what it brings, probably the same as this years. 

Snitches & Incarceration

Well this is a continuation of my last post titled, Intentional Suicide. I ended up being incarcerated in the Iroquois County Jail for 30 consecutive days on a probation violation as someone snitched to my probation officer to have me drug tested and I ended up testing positive for a substance that only a select few people knew about that I was doing. By that happening that caused the violation and my probation officer revoking my probation and getting me terminated out of my group counseling that I was enrolled in which caused more issued as that was court ordered as well. I don’t know who the snitch was, but there was only a select few people that knew what was going on and what I was doing so I have an idea of who it was. But I am glad that I am no longer incarcerated and am back out in the community and free and able to be with my family again. When I find out who it was that snitched, there will …

Current Life

Well I can say that I just found out some interesting information that just pisses me off to the max. I have been holding in so much frustrations that I want to end up blowing a gasket but I get informed by my mother, that I just need to keep my mouth shut because the people that live here are wanting me to open my mouth and blow up. She told me not to do anything. How can I live somewhere, where I have to walk on eggshells and hope I don’t piss anyone off and then be persecuted by them for only god knows what. This is not the life that I asked for and nor am I going to live it either. If I can’t live in my home normally and be able to speak my own opinions then what’s the point of even living here then. There is no point of even living here then, so I have begun the process of looking for another place to live so that I can …

Milford

Lastnight I went to bed knowing everything I could know about my community that I live in and have lived in my entire life. I wake up this morning to horrendous and terrifying news. I wake up finding out that someone was murdered right here in my hometown that I live in. I don’t even know this town anymore it seems like. This is a close nit community we know everyone. This isn’t the first murder that this town has encountered. This will mark the third murder in my life that I know of. But murder does have some precedence in my opinion of what this nation is going to turn into since our presidential elections a week ago. I don’t want to believe that the elections had something to do with this, but it is a coincidence that this happen at this time. With everything that I have seen on the news with all of the protests going on still, and middle schoolers chanting, to build the wall that trump promised he would do …

#DumpTrump

Well the elecoral college was able to select our new president and commander in chief, Donald J Trump. The one that only has values that will benefit himself and the other billionaires nationwide. He has no respect for the middle class, poor, elderly, disabled, or the LGBT community. We as minorities, must stand together and show that we will not tolerate the indifferences that he is and will bring to the table. We Americans agree we want America Great Again, but that won’t happen unless we stand together and let him know we won’t tolerate any of his bullshit that he is bringing and brought. We can not only stand up against him, must also stand up to our Vice President elect Pence as he is just as cruel and discriminatory as the president-elect.  With recent news, the popular votes are being tallied and will decide if we have Donald J Trump as our president or if Hilary Clinton will be the president . With the current standings, Hilary has won the popular votes and …

Addictions

I love how I am told that I’m addicted to drugs when I have done them a couple times a week for a couple weeks. I love when people tell me that I can’t stop on my own will but yet, I haven’t been high in 8 days nor do I have the urge to get high. I love when people accuse me of shit when they don’t even know me or what I can do. Yes I’ve done drugs in my life and no I haven’t ever been addicted to them as I have quit and never had the urge to do them again. I also love it when people say I’m an addict when I say I’m not. Usually that is how it works with people but I can honestly say that I am no addict to any drugs. I like to live life to the fullest that I can. And if the one drug kills me then I know I lived my life to the fullest that I could ever have done. …