Depression

Bipolar x2

Well from one of my most recent posts you know I was in the hospital for trying to commit suicide. No need to worry about that again though.

When I was in the hospital, I was diagnosed once again, with being bipolar. The doctor asked me if I knew what bipolar was, and I simply said yes. This isn’t something new to me as I already knew that I was bipolar from when I was a teenager and was diagnosed then. I do know what being bipolar is what to expect from it. I have to learn how to better manage my symptoms than before. One of my triggers, is stress. I have to learn how to eleviate it and deal with it just like everyone else does in society.

One of the things that is helping with my bipolar is my medications that the hospital administered me and having me continue to take. I get to go to the doctor on the 30th of this month for the first time. I was informed that this doctor may change my medications or possibly put me on more medications. I do know that the one medication that I am currently on, isn’t working that well like it was, and I will have to inform the doctor about that so that he can either up the dosage or change it completely.

This is one thing that I don’t like that I have to deal with continuously. I used to just let everything hide and never think about it. Recently I have become more depressed than ever and couldn’t hide it anymore. I have been so depressed that I ended up trying to take my own life. That was something that I shouldn’t have done, but I did. I just wanted everything to stop. I don’t think that I would be here today if I hadn’t let people know what I was doing. Since doing this, I have thought about, why I told people. After thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that it was a cry for help, and I didn’t know how to ask for it. If I had known how to ask for the help that I needed, I don’t believe that I would’ve attempted to commit suicide.

I can say that I am not as depressed as I once was. I am still depressed but not as bad, and the levels of depression is still going down. I am a littel bit more happy than I was but not completely back to my normal self like I shoud be. But I am continuously learning and thinking about it. People have been telling me that I need to put this (suicide) behind me and not think about. Well I can say that I believe that it is the wrong thing to do. I have to keep it fresh in my mind so that I know what happened and how to prevent it from happening again.

So until next time.